I’ve been through a few rough weeks…Stuff that’s private and personal in a very dirty laundry kind of way. Eventually I’ll write it, blog it, etc. because it’s the kind of stuff that other people can benefit from. My mistakes for the greater good of others. Schoingemacht. Mother Theresa.
The bottom line: Call me cynical but we North Americans grow up with messages of fairy tale couplings, love at first sight, romantic partnerships formed in an instant based upon “chemistry” and “fate” and a whole lot of other stuff we see in movies and read in books, starting with Cinderella, you girls out there.
None of that is a stand-in for the basics of knowing how to choose a partner and doing a good job of it. Knowing what qualities characterize healthy versus unhealthy partnerships. Recognizing a harmful or wholly unwholesome liaison and bowing out. Bowing out before lasting damage has been done.
There are intelligent and very responsible people out there who know how to build careers, create lasting friendships, make homes, raise children and live life fully but who at the same time are utterly clueless when it comes to choosing intimate partners. And they pay for those mistakes dearly. I’m one of them.
My message for the moment: If it doesn’t feel good, it isn’t. When you FIRST know it isn’t right, pay attention. Ignore advice of “well wishers” suggesting you stay in and make it work. Trust your instincts the same way you would in other endeavors. If you notice an unhealthy pattern in the types of couplings you habitually find yourself in, get educated on choosing healthy alternatives…
As my cousin reminds: Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you know or learn or who advises you. You have to make the mistake/s. She’s right. But if my advice helps someone out there then I’ve done a good deed.
Amen. Pass the collection plate.