Stefanella's Drive Thru

Israel, U.S., conflict, war, peace, humor, travel, romance, fashion, fun

Deal Making April 14, 2009

Characters:   7-year-old boy & 7-year-old boy’s Mother

Setting:  Dinner table in a Tel Aviv apartment.   7-year-old has finished eating.  His mother has not

7-year-old:  I’m finished.  Can I go play on the computer now?

Mother: Nope.  Sit with me until I’m finished.  It won’t take long.

7-year-old: (ponders for a moment) How about we make a deal?

Mother: Uhum.  What kind of deal?

7-year-old: If you let me go play on the computer now, I promise that when you’re old and in a wheelchair I’ll push you wherever you need to go and I’ll buy you things so you won’t have to spend your money.  Okay?


Breaking the Label Maker: Going up Against the Brand November 23, 2008

When my 16-year-old nephew Omer posted this commentary on his Facebook page a few weeks ago, I was blown away by his poignant writing style and maturity.  Check it. . .
I am commonly thought of as a “gamer,” or a “nerd,” or anything else that has to do with preferring technology over human contact. And while this has some root in truth, it is not in itself true. If it hasn’t yet become apparent, I am not what my label thinks I am.

If given the choice, I would always prefer to be with real people, especially friends, rather than sitting in front of a screen alone at night. It is true that I enjoy technology, but not to any greater extent than any normal 16 year old guy does. The fact that I am good with computers and such should not have any bearing on the type of person I am, nor should the fact that I am good at school.

However, this is evidently not the way society feels it should be, and therefore I am packaged, sealed, and labeled as a person with no life. The point I am trying to drive across here is that I don’t want this label, I don’t want to be any one kind of person, I just want to be a person. Period, end of story.

If only it were that simple. This branding that I have has had consequences just as any other branding would. Not only has it confined me to a certain social class, but it has made it damn near impossible to escape. Up until now, I have dealt with it in one way or another; compensation, overcompensation, withdrawal, denial, the list goes on. But I’m done. I’ve had enough of this already. I’m tired of my label defining who I am, what I am, and as a result what I can and can’t do.

I’m 16 years old, and I’ve never been to a real party. I’ve never been out of my house doing stupid stuff past 10 p.m. I’ve never been in a relationship I truly enjoyed. Hell, I’ve never even had the courage to tell a girl that I really like her, all because of this stupid, idiotic, pointless label. No more. I have my inspiration, I have my dream, and I have the willpower to accomplish it.

And if anybody ever wants to label me again, I say screw off, I don’t want to deal with you anymore.


Assmosis February 25, 2008

I am reading a back-issue of GQ and came across the column “New Jargon for the GQ Man”
I’m not a man. Sue me. GQ’s a beautiful glossy mag with well written articles, upscale advertising, the latest in trends and cutting edge tips for the upper uppers.
Sue me again because I’m the back room at Loehmann’s on a good day. And the closest I’ll ever get to the country club set is if I happen to be hired to write a PR brochure or someone asks me to mind the kids poolside while Buffy and Bootsy go a round of tennis.

But a woman can dream.

Anyheeeewwww…This Jargon column had some entries I felt super compelled to share.

1) Assmosis – The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

2) Oh-No Second – That fraction of time in which you realise you’ve just made a big mistake (e.g. you’ve hit “reply to all”).

3) SITCOMS – Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay at home with the kids or start a “home business”.

4) Salmon Day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

5) Airplane Blonde – One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a “black box”.

6) Cube Farm – An office filled with cubicles

7) 404 – Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web message “404 error: File not Found”, meaning that the requested document could not be located

8) Johnny-No-Stars – A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a fast-food restaurant. The “no stars” comes from the badges displaying stars that staff wear to show their level of training.