Mr. Aquarium January 16, 2008

This week while hanging out in an office reception area waiting to see “A Person About Stuff” the aquarium man arrived to clean out the office fish tank.

He stood partially obscured behind a partition counter between the reception and kitchen areas where the aquarium served as a room separator and set about the task of diligently scrubbing the inside walls of the glass fish house; The poor gill breathers probably got more excitement than they’d had in a lifetime what with the unexpected man-made tsunami going on inside the tank.

But the tank needed the clean-up. It was filthy. So filthy that when aquarium man started scrubbing the glass, it turned the color of medium strength tea mixed with floaty bits and blobby pieces.

After a few minutes I heard the aquarium man cough, sputter and gag. He then dashed from behind the counter to the toilet and (oh please don’t get sick; i don’t want to hear you get sick) spit into the toilet several times.

He returned to his place behind the counter and resumed doing whatever it is aquarium men do and again, the coughing and sputtering started up. What is going on with this guy? i thought.

Standing to stretch i.e. get a better view of him, I saw that what he was doing:  Draining the aquarium into a bucket by way of vacuum.  And just how was said vacuum operating?  Via aquarium man‘s mouth, that’s how.  He was sucking on a piece of cut-off garden hose running from the tank to siphon i.e. create flow and he was then shoving the hose into the bucket.  That is, after getting a mouthful or four

OMG!!!!! I thought. Hellllloooooo!!!! Disease? Fungus? Illness? Death?

Another woman in the reception area saw what I saw and, in disgust, turned her grimaced face away from Mr. Aquarium.

GO-BUY-A-PUMP…(aren’t there regulations in Holy Land Central against this kind of thing?)

Lord have mercy. Fun fun fun. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

fun. fun. fun.

Irish Army Goofing Off January 12, 2008

Too much time for fun? These Irish peacekeepers stationed in Lebanon are under investigation for creating the video you see here. Looks like they needed the downtime….

Vodpod videos no longer available. from www.liveleak.com posted with vodpod

Material Girl Goes fer a Ride! January 11, 2008

Wedding Fun January 8, 2008

Now THIS is a couple destined to stay together…

R.A.F, HIT IT! January 5, 2008

Well, we all learn something new every day, hmmmm? For me it was “marshalling”…Cheers n’ Beers, RAF.

At the Pede’s January 4, 2008

Israel is a lively country.

But hell, you knew that. If you picked up any major newspaper almost anywhere in the world on any given day over the past year you probably read that fer yerself.

Naturally, then, the country’s residents are for the most part “lively” people. But that, also, goes without saying.

So then it follows that a recent visit to the pediatrician’s office would bring with it that same flow and sparkle inherent to habitation in these parts.

When we walked into our doc’s 15 x 8 (foot) waiting room at 6 p.m. on Thursday night the house was full. A dozen glossy eyed, ruddy-cheeked kids in various stages of flu, fever and upper respiratory complication sniffled, sneezed and emitted mucus-laden barking coughs.

Their conditions, however, didn’t stop the little ones from maintaining energy flow. As my son and I settled together into the sole remaining waiting room chair, a stuffed lamb whizzed past at eye level.

The culprit, a 6-year-old sporting a fake neck tattoo and Doc Martens, shouted: “Goal!” when the lamb landed on the receptionist’s desk.

The receptionist – a Rosie O’Donnell look-alike sans humor – didn’t miss a beat as, cellphone glued to ear, she retrieved the lamb and held it out to the young convict-in-training with a stern “no” nod of the head.

Meanwhile, two pre-teen siblings playing cards on the parquet floor got into a tussle and began rolling around in the dust and broken biscuit pieces at our feet. “Stop” their tired, bored mother unenthusiastically muttered.

The floor action directed our attention to a miniature black and white mutt sitting underneath a waiting room chair opposite ours. “Ooh, cute!” my son announced. “Yeah, but what’s it doing here?” I grumbled.

The doctor’s inner office door suddenly burst open and a pixie-haired mom cradling a naked-from-the-waist down toddler came rushing out towards the WC. “It’s still our turn! It’s still our turn! It’s still our turn!” she chanted loudly to the waiting room parents to ward off any clandestine plans for locking her & junior in the loo and rushing into the examination room in her stead.

Opposite, a ringlet haired, dull-eyed 2-year-old idly digging for gold in her nose wiped her nuggets on the receptionist stand outer wall.

As I was observing this and simultaneously noticing intermittent, stinky gas emissions coming from a kid two chairs over, derelict tattoo-neck boy suddenly came rushing out of nowhere toward the frightened black and white dog hiding under the chair. Uttering guttural, tribal-type chanting, he managed to drive the frightened creature in our direction.

My son and I reached maximum capacity at the same instant, bursting into gales of belly laughter in unison.

This-is-not-happening-at-the-doctor’s-office.

Ours is a Berkeley educated doctor who has practiced all over the world. She’s at the top of her game. Her office is snazzy (when you can see the floor) and her clients include Israel’s top who’s who.

Alas, in fact, it was happening.

And that is why things in Israel are lively.

And a bit frightening.