Assmosis February 25, 2008

I am reading a back-issue of GQ and came across the column “New Jargon for the GQ Man”

I’m not a man. Sue me. GQ’s a beautiful glossy mag with well written articles, upscale advertising, the latest in trends and cutting edge tips for the upper uppers.

Sue me again because I’m the back room at Loehmann’s on a good day. And the closest I’ll ever get to the country club set is if I happen to be hired to write a PR brochure or someone asks me to mind the kids poolside while Buffy and Bootsy go a round of tennis.

But a woman can dream.

Anyheeeewwww…This Jargon column had some entries I felt super compelled to share.

1) Assmosis – The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

2) Oh-No Second – That fraction of time in which you realise you’ve just made a big mistake (e.g. you’ve hit “reply to all”).

3) SITCOMS – Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay at home with the kids or start a “home business”.

4) Salmon Day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

5) Airplane Blonde – One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a “black box”.

6) Cube Farm – An office filled with cubicles

7) 404 – Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web message “404 error: File not Found”, meaning that the requested document could not be located

8) Johnny-No-Stars – A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a fast-food restaurant. The “no stars” comes from the badges displaying stars that staff wear to show their level of training.

BIG SALE!!! February 20, 2008

Valeria? You know my birthday’s in April, right? I asked my friend as she answered her cellphone.

Now I do…she answered cautiously.

You know that store on Kikar Ha’Mdina with the really great display windows? I asked. The one at the corner of Tashach?

Uhum…Valeria mused.

Listen. There’s a great great great dress in the window. It’s a Prada. Now I know what you’re thinking…But you know there’s a sale on in the store right now!

70% off, right? Valeria volleyed.

Yeah! That’s right! So I was thinking, since you are my bestest bestest friend in the whole wide world–

How much?

16,000 I whispered. (That comes to about U.S. $4500..slf)

Well, with the 70% off, that’s a little over …um…lemme see…4000.  Sure. No problem. Talk to you later.

**It’s important to have friends who indulge (fantasies) once in a while**

Africans in Israel February 17, 2008

Meet Marcelle. He’s an attractive 15-year-old, no?

And sweet. I can vouch for that. I met him last week. On Valentine’s Day, in fact. It was rainy and mucky outside but his megawatt smile lit up the room.

He speaks French and a smattering of English.

But he doesn’t look all too chipper in this particular photo.

To be expected, I guess. After all, he walked/ran thousands and thousands of miles from Africa’s West Coast – Cote d’Ivoire, to be exact – to Tel Aviv. Take a look at the map. You’ll get a shock.

Yes. By foot.

Rumor has it that for fleeing refugees like Marcelle, getting to Israel entails torture, imprisonment, the constant threat of death and sometimes witnessing the murder of family members.

That’s why he’s alone in the Tel Aviv shelter he shares with dozens of others like him who have fled Eritrea and Sudan. He was orphaned. He witnessed his parents’ murders.

Marcelle is desperate for an adoptive family. He’s suffering. But then he has been through the kind of purgatory most of us only read about or see in movies.

So have many others like him. His name’s not Marcelle, by the way. He’s afraid that if I print his real name something might happen to relatives back in the Cote d’Ivoire.

The 6,000 refugees in Israel: It’s real and they need help.

Get in touch with the African Refugee Development Center to find out what you can do.

A True Israeli…. February 10, 2008

These next two videos highlight a problem in Israel that recently came to the fore: Although army enlistment is mandatory for the country’s 18 and over set, a record number of young people begged off doing service this year.

As I have noted in previous entries, instead of analyzing the problem to find out what’s motivating the younger generation, higher ups have launched a shame campaign.

Below you’ll find a shame campaign video followed by a parody produced by “pro-choicers”. The closing caption on the first reads: “A True Israeli Doesn’t Avoid” In the second, the closing caption reads: “A True Israeli Doesn’t Avoid …The Truth”

(give the 2nd video a few minutes to get to the English part)

My politics are clear on this matter. What do you think?

Thanks, Fridge, for the lead…